My New Year’s Resolutions

I don’t usually make any resolutions, but this year is different. I have a long list of ’em. Ready?

1. I resolve that there will be no more discussions of tentacles, tentacle movies or tentacle-themed art in my household. Neither will actual tentacles be allowed.

2. I resolve that my children will learn to give decent foot rubs. It’s not fair that they lose interest after only an hour or so.

3. I resolve that my husband will finish every damn half-finished project he has started around the house. I WANT MY OFFICE BACK!

4. I resolve to sew the button back on my favorite cardigan. It’s only been two years.

5. I resolve to stop leaving my dirty teaspoons on the kitchen counter, where my husband finds them and gets really upset. Or maybe I’ll work on that one next year.

6. I resolve to send out more short stories instead of playing online poker while dressed up as Velma from Scooby Doo.

7. I resolve that all the sentences I utter will have 50% less cuss words in ’em. Well, I’m gonna try.

8. I resolve to try really, really hard to forgive George Lucas, that bastard, for the last three Star Wars movies he made.

9. I resolve not to scream “die, capitalist scum!” at innocent TV commercials.

10. I resolve to eat more snack crackers while wearing my “special” outfit. (Don’t ask – my husband made me add that one.)

I think I’ve actually got a hope in hell of sticking to a couple of these. Wish me luck! And have an interesting 2011.


About Diane Dooley

Writer, Mother, Geek
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10 Responses to My New Year’s Resolutions

  1. JLC says:

    LOL! All are great! (Except I’d have a hard time forgiving Lucas)

  2. Razib Ahmed says:

    Funny resolutions but it reminds me that I have to do some of them just like you. I have to be more active in house work. I have already forgiven George Lucas because his first Star War Movies were really superb.

  3. Travis Erwin says:

    I wish you luck and a Happy New Year.

  4. ad. says:

    I don’t think No. 6 has any right to be there, innocently in the way of your resolution buzzsaw. Other than that, best of luck! Happy 2011.

  5. soap says:

    *is dying to know what her “special” outfit is, but is honoring her wishes and not asking, hoping she’ll tell me in private*
    🙂 *waves like a lunatic*
    Happy New Year!

  6. Diane Dooley says:

    I’ve already failed #5, #7 and #9.

  7. Wait–I could have sworn that 2011 is the Chinese Year of the Tentacle. Good luck with that first resolution!

  8. Wait–I could have sworn 2011 is the Chinese Year of the Tentacle. Good luck with that first resolution!

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