I don’t usually make any resolutions, but this year is different. I have a long list of ’em. Ready?
1. I resolve that there will be no more discussions of tentacles, tentacle movies or tentacle-themed art in my household. Neither will actual tentacles be allowed.
2. I resolve that my children will learn to give decent foot rubs. It’s not fair that they lose interest after only an hour or so.
3. I resolve that my husband will finish every damn half-finished project he has started around the house. I WANT MY OFFICE BACK!
4. I resolve to sew the button back on my favorite cardigan. It’s only been two years.
5. I resolve to stop leaving my dirty teaspoons on the kitchen counter, where my husband finds them and gets really upset. Or maybe I’ll work on that one next year.
6. I resolve to send out more short stories instead of playing online poker while dressed up as Velma from Scooby Doo.
7. I resolve that all the sentences I utter will have 50% less cuss words in ’em. Well, I’m gonna try.
8. I resolve to try really, really hard to forgive George Lucas, that bastard, for the last three Star Wars movies he made.
9. I resolve not to scream “die, capitalist scum!” at innocent TV commercials.
10. I resolve to eat more snack crackers while wearing my “special” outfit. (Don’t ask – my husband made me add that one.)
I think I’ve actually got a hope in hell of sticking to a couple of these. Wish me luck! And have an interesting 2011.