‘Devouring the Duke’ by Lady Florence Gypsy-Cinqchennes

Yep. It’s that time again. This month’s prompt: the Mini Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

The Mini Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest means trying to write the worst possible first line of a book or story in the spirit of Edward “It was a dark and stormy night…” Bulwer-Lytton. “Worst” in this case is subjective, but florid and ridiculous purple prose is probably closest to the spirit of the thing.

We were also required make up a name as follows:

-Start with either Lord or Lady

-The first name of a grandparent.

-Surname is the name of a pet double-barreled with a street you grew up on.

* * *

Clotilda took one look at the ravishingly rich Duke, his thoroughbred legs tightly encased in silken breeches the color of clotted cream and his manly chest bravely sporting a voluptuous waterfall of milky lace, then promptly regurgitated salmon and cucumber sandwiches (with no crusts) down the front of her very best dress, causing the frothy white tulle to become splattered with aromatic gobs of peachy-green slime and half-digested fish.

* * *

I feel a little nauseous. Click the links below to read some more truly awful opening lines. I’ll be updating the links as writers join the chain.

orion_mk3 – http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com (link to this month’s post)
AuburnAssassin – http://clairegillian.com (link to this month’s post)
You are here
Horseflye – http://thecozylittleplot.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Proach – http://www.deannaproach.com/ (link to this month’s post)
BigWords – http://bigwords88.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
jkellerford – http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
xcomplex – http://arielemerald.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Ralph Pines – http://ralfast.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Diana Rajchel – http://blog.dianarajchel.com/ (link to this month’s post)
pezie – http://www.erinbrambilla.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Guardian – http://daewrites.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
egoodlett – http://wordlarceny.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Euclid – http://euclid-thoughts.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Alpha Echo – http://writersramblings81.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)